Bet you didn't know that when you are getting all geared up for the fun that is Chemotherapy, they have you go in and they teach you very carefully about what it is, what it does, what it does not, what it causes, on and on and it was pretty interesting.  They first have you watch a video where a real pretty girl which has obvi never HAD chemo tells you a bunch of stuff. Well the deal is, that she said the word "Chemotherapy" so many times in the fifteen minute video that it started sounding really funny to me and she must have said it, like 3 dozen times.She was careful to point out that Chemo is not the enemy. I have been working for weeks on a visual of the chemo surging in through my Power Port and wreaking havoc, in a good way, on my cancer cells, and my non-cancer cells since chemo does not distinguish. So since the video chick was so kind and helpful I decided to work up a little acronym for the much overused word...you know the one, CHEMOTHERAPY.

C--cheerful, chuckling, cancer cells, ha, they don't know whats about to hit em!
H--hair, like, who needs it anyway?
E--Excercise. Um....it is a brilliant excuse for the lack thereof as I will be working hard at staying     
      upright!  that is excercise enough for this girl right now.
M--Many, much, mega, medications! this is good, some of them have it in for me, some will
      save me   from the very unpleasant side effects of this wonderful chemo I get to have so I don't
     die prematurely.
O--Ordinary. I say this because everyday, I thank God for my ordinary, most common type      of breast cancer. My docs can treat this in their sleep! So ordinary cancer....ordinary chemo. (PLEASE)!
T--Tricksters.  Chemo goes after all your cells, however, cancer cells are slower to recover therefore   my white cells and red ones and platelets will zoom ahead of the recovering cancer cells and kick buttocks. Tricky? Yup.
H--Hell. Already did that. Someone whispered in my ear when I was inpatient "Maybe this is God's   way of letting you know that chemo isn't that bad" brilliant ey?
E--Electrifying. I will forge ahead and imagine those chemicals lighting up my whole self. It        could happen:)
R--Run. I will not run away from the hospital, from the 'Chemo Zone' on the other hand I might walk sort of slowly and not use the valet parking.
A--Awesome, which is what my whole dang medical team is.  I believe them when they say they will get me through this and that I can call 24/7 and no one will be put out. They are the best. Shout out to my PCP Nikki Clark for hooking me up with the best! It ain't what'cha know, it's who you know.
P--Pray, pray, and pray some more. Even chemotherapy needs divine intervention:)
Y--Yes. I believe the word 'yes' has power. I cant explain this but that's ok. So we will march through this new world and we will say 'yes', alot. Just have to trust me on this one.

I love you all so much. I love you even if you are a complete stranger. LOVE HEALS<3
Too tired to make sure I spelled and left no letters out of the word so don't judge me!

I am coming right out and freely admitting  to the world that I love TV!!!  I have never once in my life said the words I hear repeatedly on and on and on "I don't have time for TV"  I secretly think some of you are saying a big fat lie! Anyway, of course there have been times that I did not see Oprah for like four years or something, and that I didn't watch Greys till they were in season 5 or Friday Night Lights till all five seasons were on DVD but, I am saying that I like them! They let me escape a little. I am not so much the spiritual giant that you might think I am. When I was in the hospital, I turned on the TV when I was conscious enough and never turned it off, not once in a million days. I kept it on with no sound if I was actually allowed to sleep which was extremely rare. It was  no ones fault that I was never left alone for more than 20 minutes in sixteen days, when they are taking really good care of you and doing everything on earth to help you get well, it is very time consuming.  I did have one errant IV pump that I swear to you, for 24 hours just went off about every 20 minutes and I tell you I got so psycho that I just about took that pump out and the three others with it!  It was awful! I was in there all during the Olympics which were just as boring as can be but my side-kick Greg, liked them so I just sort of zoned.  He was the best. You guys don't even know how amazing my husband is cause he is quiet and sort of scary. He has taken over my life, cause I cant make my brain work yet. He is the bestest ever and I adore him. Anyway, today I was at my Oncologist and they were scheduling all these different appts. for me and then they highlighted the dates and the page was like a WHOLE PAGE and that was the moment I knew I was getting better (from the hospital) cause I looked at it and exclaimed rather loudly "Oh my gosh, I must have cancer!" Made 'em laugh down there in the Chemo zone.  Hey...I didn't see any TV's in there!

It is late. I am all cozy in my bed with my buddy snoring away beside me.  I am ok with snoring now. I am also all hooked up to my night time buddy, called Oxygen.  Tonight before the drugs kick in it is imperative that I write a bit of what I have been feeling about big kids. Not the little gooey, chubby, warm kisses, jelly covered kind, which are all divine, but you know, those kids grow up, and they are no less extraordinary.  They are who God gives you in return for all those zillions of sleepless nights, barf clean-ups that go from one side of the bathroom to the other, the worries, the sassing, the chasing the sasser down and whacking them one, the endless trips to and from everywhere until they drive, the "I don't really like that kid" lectures, the calls from the school, good or bad and on and on. These are the kids who were ages one to twelve, who are now fifteen to twenty-seven. These are the kids who climbed right into the trenches with me through an awful illness. They all had their own ways of dealing with me. No two the same at all yet all of them saved me. They saved my sanity and still do. They remind me that I have faith when I forget what the word even means. They know how much to push without pushing to hard. They are the best huggers and kissers and they are my reward.  I love my grand-kids like crazy, but they didn't 'go to the mats' with me like my Five.  I have been home from the hospital for ten days and they expect nothing of me. They have patience when I don't. They love me when I am irrational and crying and sure someone will make me go back to the hospital. They are able to see the big picture when it is too big for me to glance at. They say there is nothing stronger than a Mothers love, I beg to differ.

Hello all.  Been home from the hospital for a few days now. For now all I can say is:
THAT SUCKED SO BAD!!!!!.

some happy news

ok, here's a quick update on the happenings of Joanna!

on Wednesday she came home from the hospital with her creatinine plateaued at 5.
fact: normal creatinine is 1
and her hematocrit was at 23
fact: normal hct is 37

Today, she got some more labs done, andddddd
creatinine:3.4
hct: 31!!!!!!

a little medical background: mom is suuuuuper anemic to begin with, and part of what your kidneys do is produce red blood cells. well guess what wasn't working? her kidneys. so she was pretty dang low on blood. that was a huge objective before continuing on with chemo and such--- getting that RBC count up. because chemo makes you anemic. (I know, right?)

she is in good spirits, taking walks, eating toast and drinking juice.

thank you for your support, as always! thank you for keeping us going.
we love you all!!
(she might be back soon with a more humorous update)

pray 4 pee

Well, it turns out mom's kidneys are pretty pissed off from being bullied by all those meds.

yesterday morning, it was "pray that she'll pee"
and today it is still "pray that she'll pee", but also..." pray that the words 'renal failure', which have already been said, will not turn into the really really bad kind of renal failure"

those words scared the hell out of me last night when they were spoken by the nurse. but once again, Dr. Clark to the rescue. I called her, she explained everything very clearly, and I felt better.  She's got the kidney doctor taking care of her, but he hasn't been in this morning yet. so we don't know a whole lot more. just that both of her doctors yesterday told us that "her kidneys are offended, and injured"

you guys, we are so beyond grateful for the love and support, as you know. but now that more crap has hit the fan, we need more. my mom can feel it, and so can all of us Robinsons.

we need those kidneys to do their job. we need them to.

PRAY FOR PEE.

A Pnuemonia Tale

ALRIGHT Y'ALL

a bit of an update. a kinda stupid update. stupid because it's no bueno.

Mama came out of surgery a little wheezy, but that was normal. it didn't get bad until a few days ago, and after a particularly bad 5AM wake-up by her wheezy deezy damn trachea, she went down to the clinic to get a chest x-ray to check it out, to make sure it wasn't pneumonia.  (as you can imagine, coughing with a spacer in your chest has got to feel something like hell)
the x-ray came back, and it looked like there was no pneumonia! on Saturday.

This morning, it was bad again. the clinic couldn't get her in until 2:40, and this was at noon. so we headed over to the Orem Community ER. Nurse Tom took good care of us (just like the last time we were there. seriously CHEERS to nurse Tom. I feel like dropping off a big ol' Texas Roadhouse gift card) and they gave her a breathing treatment and another chest x-ray, revealing that OHHHH she does have pneumonia now. since it wasn't there on Saturday, they had a good baseline to compare it to.

She is now down at UVRMC, being well taken care of by a doctor that she worked with at the M-gap, and she is receiving steady antibiotics and pain management.

As her doctor told me during a little pep-talk today on the phone, this is just a bump in the road.

mom can feel your thoughts and prayers, and she appreciates you all so much. we are grateful people.

thank you thank you thank you.

we'll keep you posted!