Ramblings of Jo Mama

Hello all my people! I got a brand new laptop for Fathers Day! I suppose Greg is the smart dude we know  him to be and figured he wouldn't have FD without me, so of course I should get a lovely gift too! Man I tell you that was quite a day as it was Fathers and Joanna's day, Emily's birthday and our brand new little baby Westons birthday too! It was kinda really cool since I had my first baby June 15th on Fathers Day then Jill did the same thing, by coincidence on June 15th and Fathers day. How brilliant is that?  Anyway, our beautiful Weston was born 3 weeks early, and he is a little sick with an infection. The really crappy thing about this is that he has to stay here in the NICU for about 3 weeks. (again, like Emilys little crazy Ivy. But  he is pink and pretty feisty and has to have a Lumbar Puncture today to make sure he doesn't have meningitis.  This is very sucky when you think about it.

I am down here in the Chemo Zone getting My Chemo Cockail #5.  I am going to tell you all a little secret about encouragement. Everyone means well when they talk to you about your crappy disease. Guess what is not helpful?? It is not helpful when you say "Oh but hey, you only have 2 more rounds or 5 more or 8'. The thing about Chemo is, that the medication (OK, it's poison but I hate, double hate, loathe ENTIRELY, when that word is used and it gets used a lot. Really? do you want to sit and chat it up about the poison you received for four hours today)? Anyway, the Chemo has a cumulative effect, which means that each time you get another round and your body, all the awesome cells and all the dumb cells go like this "Uh, they're back, those bloody little flowers with the Pacman mouths are BACK and they dumb cells get entirely happy because they know that your body is tired  of the fight, and that your good numbers are going to go right in the toilet which postpones your chemo and that you have so much less to fight with and that makes the dumb cells happy cause they have a better opportunity to miss being shot by the Pacman flowers like a angry blonde woman with a 38 in her purse

So, my rant is basically saying that it sounds like encouragement when you say hey, "Oh, only 2 more rounds? You got this" what that does to me is  make my stomach squeeze and my head start to sweat under my hat and I AM SCARED!! But hey, now that I think of it, what else are you suppose to say to me. That's a good question. Knowing what I know now, I would say "OUCH" that's all, just "OUCH" but that is just not common knowledge, so when you say the above to me I will just realize how much you care, how much empathy you are feeling for me, how much you love me and my family and how concerned you are. So it's my problem. You are all the best most lovely people a girl could ask for.

So Chemo #5 out of  6 is complete, it will now do what it does best, kills the dumb cells and tries hard not to kill me. In about 2 days it will start to make me wanna drive off a cliff, it will probably cause me to have zero blood clotting capabilities (which is challenging  for me since I am a klutz and bump into things a lot and don't even let me near a butter knife!) and on and on but it wont kill me, and hopefully it wont kill my family either.  I have a husband and 8 kids that are absolutely perfect for what I am going through, and guess what, they go through it too. It is so hard as a Mom to see your kids hurt and get beat down because of what they see me go through. It's tough, just plain tough. Chemotherapy makes you cry...ALOT! bet you didn't know that? and another little funny fact is that it makes your nose run like a faucet ALL THE TIME! it is a bizarre side effect that I am not complaining about, just reporting the facts Ma'am. Oh, and it also makes you dumber than a post, really. You cant believe the words and the names I can't for the life of me recall when I need to!

So, if you are the lovely friends and family I know, please keep us in your prayers.  I cannot do this without them. I just can't.  Thank you Thank you Thank you all for everything you do for us. It is a humbling and overwhelming thought to know so many people care so much for us and you do. 

Love you all, Love me.