December 31, 2014

Weird, but good learning experience today in the Chemo Zone. Let me clarify. I still get one component of my three drug chemo regimen. It is the part called Herceptin that, in combination with one little estrogen killing pill per day and one humongous shot that shoots a pellet of drugs that shut down my innocent little ovaries into my gut every three weeks, will hopefully keep my estrogen whore of a cancer at bay.  I have a gene, called HER 2, which is positive in me, along with another progesterone lover. So, that just means that I HAVE NO ESTROGEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN, IN MY BODY!!! And that's ok. (So far no one has commented on my shorts, tank tops and flip-flops in freezing weather! ) These genes are preferable to the BRCA gene that Angelina Ballerina Jolie has. That particular gene  is a mean SOB. I had that test done first thing at my Surgeon (shout out to Jennifer Tittensor rah rah!! I love her!!). Insurance doesn't usually pay for BRCA testing. you have to be in a really high risk category. So the BRCA test people send most of us a lovely little bill for 4 thousand dollars!!!! They have a patent on the test which on my end meant swishing scope three times and spitting it back into a container. Try holding scope in your mouth for a minute or two. See what happens. BURNBURNBURN!!!! Holy Hannah. anyway, the company called Meridian has the patent on this test and so they can charge whatever they well please cause they know you will probably be willing to pay for it to know you do or do not have Brangelina's gene.  I would have made the same call she did. She was brave.
Anyway, they don't 'win 'em all' in the Chemo zone. I had my first experience of one of my co-pts. who, today, along with her family and our nurse, rang the bell for the last time. It slowly occurred to me what was going on. I hate it when my favorite nurse cries and she was crying, not in a YEY it's over way. It was an 'it's all over' kind of cry. It never occurred to me that she wouldn't be ok. She was a talker and everyone knew her and you are just supposed to get better. Only sometimes you don't.  I am so grateful that my Chemo Nurses and  my Cancer Docs decided to take their path in life down my path. It is not an easy job. Sometimes it just plain sucks. They are a different breed of health care workers. I am so grateful for their knowledge and there endurance and their ability to roll with whatever happens and adapt.

So right after they said goodbye to their sweet patient, a couple came back and by golly they were up up upset! So...they vented a little in front of all of us, understandably, and then our nurse, she said have a seat and let me finish here. Then she finished, got a rolling stool, rolled right in front of these distraught folks, knee to knee, looked them in the eye and asked them what happened. What happened was, they were not scheduled for Chemo today but since it was a time and day they have always had, they came, not aware that Chemo staff was only in for a half day due to New Years and all. Now you might think, no big deal, just come back on Friday, which is what the receptionist told them, and it came across to the couple as completely unfeeling and cold and bitchy. WELL let me tell YOU Miss "To Cool for School", (that's not really what I wanted to say..) it is a HUGE deal to come in and not be able to have Chemo. It happened to me once and I was devastated. Like they were expressing to the nurse, you are up and hyped the whole night before, you don't want chemo but putting it off is just the worst cause now you are behind and you have to do the whole anticipation thing all over again and its not something well people can even understand. It's a big deal.

Here's the thing, and this is what I learned again today. It IS what you say and it IS the way you say it. BUT, if you are uncaring and unfeeling and forget that the person standing in front of you, or over the phone, or over a text, is a living, breathing, feeling person, then your message will go down in flames. They will only remember the way you treated them. I am not sure what this sweet couple were more upset about, the message, or the delivery. This pt nearly quit her treatment right then and there because of the way someone chose to treat her. Cancer treatment is ASTRONOMICALLY  expensive and not everyone has the blessing we have of fantastic health insurance like I have. They said they would go to Huntsman right then and there if it wasn't going to cost more. So anyway, after another kind compassionate NP came and spoke with her and smoothed it over and problem solved with them and arranged for treatment in a different place, they may have gone home and never come back.

This was my scary thought. There have been times, even in nursing that I have had less than stellar communications with people. Probably dozens,(well maybe not that much), but what if MY reaction to someone else's problem caused them to feel so defeated and hopeless that they made a bad decision? It could happen to any of us. It's true because I saw it happen today.

I am so grateful for the lovely people in my life, for instance, these peeps today, who show me how to be like them, like Jesus, to be  more kind and less reactionary. They show me that the way you treat others creates or destroys.  My friend  always says' "I cant judge them... I have not walked in their mocs." My hottie therapist husband saysthat "Behavior is purposeful". So I am going to try to think of the purpose of my behavior, my thoughts, by actions and mostly my words. That's all.

I Love you readers of mine! Peace out and don't drink too much. Jrob

December 18, 2014

Damn Taliban

Bummed. The Taliban is to blame.

So what do you do?  In the scriptures it says that Alma and the Son's of Mosiah were the "vilest of sinners"  and so if they were the 'vilest' then that probably puts the taliban (actually I don't think that word deserves a capital letter, just my opinion) right up there with them.  Seems to me that the attempt to kill someone's faith and spirit, which is what Alma and his dude's were doing, is as bad or worse than seven or eight full grown terrorists, shooting and killing 132 kids and and 16 adults in a school, during an assembly type of activity.  They said that the shooting was justified and do you know why?  Because it was sort of a tradition to shoot kids and Moms and teachers up when the adults were not supporting their evil.  So HELL'S BELL'S is that the most bizarre reason? Did they think that it would garner them a bunch of support? Oh I have a hard time not hating their freaking guts!

It is so weird to me that those cold blooded murderers, along with all their buddies in mayhem, chose to come to earth. Chose to follow the plan of the Savior. I acknowledge that I am neither judge, nor jury. I can hate the sin, not the sinner.  How do people go so wrong. I wonder how many of those individuals will fall under the category of victims of an iniquitous king. "For behold, how much iniquity doth one king cause to be committed, yea, and what great destruction." AND "the sins of many people have been caused by the iniquities of their kings: therefore their iniquities are answered upon the heads of their kings." Mosiah chapter 29.  Hey, I thought that only little kids got that free pass! Turns out so do misled adults. How did that get by me all my 54 years

Anyway, I guess that is one reason why our Prophet's have always asked us to pray for the leaders of all countries. I never thought much about that till today.  I am just one person.  So I am recommitting myself to add that into my prayers. Maybe that will help me stop being so furiously furious at the damn-damn Taliban.

By the way, I am not super smart or informed and I didn't understand till I started reading up that there is a Pakistani Taliban. I know, you are wanting to reply and tell me the rest of what I don't understand but please don't. That's not why I am writing this blog. Only tell me if I made some gigantic mistaken statement.

To Judy Kenison Cannon, I always think of you when I am banging away on my blog. Please forgive my errors in punctuation, on and on! I probably give you such a headache. I wish you could be my very own professor!

Peace out Peeps. I have to write another blog now.

December 4, 2014

OK... Feeling super festive right now. These are some things I love about the Yuletide Season:

1-Our always Charlie Brown Christmas tree. FRESH! No exceptions. I'd sell my...well I'd sell just about anything in order to have a real tree.  Every year I get a new glittery something to add to the tree and their is lots of homemade from school, or nursery kid creations. Our tree has something for everyone!

2-Our wall of Christmas stockings.  Every single one of us, grandkids included have hand quilted, and decorated and names crosstiched on the cuff. Every single time, since it was only Greg, Emily and I my darling and lovely and talented friend, her name is Janna, Well everytime there was another kid, their was a new stocking completely different and all the same for every in-law and now grandkids.  One year, we got overly excited cleaning up cause we had a new WI game system and we accidentally threw Greg's stocking away. I was pretty distressed. Guess who had a new stocking the next Christmas? Yup.

3-My Mothers Jewelry Chrismas tree. I will explain. She had a friend who took all the costume jewelry she had from like, her whole life, lots of which I remember and she got this ginormous frame, covered the inside with black velvet, glued, in a really awesome fashion all this glittery jewelry into the shape of a Christmas tree, and it even had a starfish pin (so tacky and awesome) on the top. She used this tree as a substitute when she was older and didn't want the work of a regular tree. I put it in her window, in her room for three years when she was in the nursing home.  She would never let the nurses plug it in, OH I forgot to tell you that the creater poked holes in the back and poked through lights from top to bottom and so it was real shiny next to the jewels.  Anyway's, she would never let the nurses plug it in because then the lights would get used up. I WAS SO FRUSTRATED WITH THIS PART and would try so hard to convince her that I could replace the lights but she was just so freaking set on certain things. When she was pretty far gone and could not really express her wants I told those nurses, turn it on and never turn it off for the whole month.  And they didn't.  I hope she got some joy out of it's beauty. To my credit, I thought my sister would want it and I offered it to her but she said no. Therefore, I, without guilt have it propped up in all its boisterous, beauty on my piano. It's worth dropping by to see.

4-I love the memory of my Father painstakingly, one by one putting the long, shiny, pain in the butt ice cycles on our family's tree. I don't know how he did it. He had the patience of Job. I would like to think I could do that, cause it would look awesome but I would end up throwing gobs of them on the tree all at once and calling it good. He was so awesome.

5-Christmas tunes!  Now, look people, we all know that there is some outstanding Christmas compositions out there and then there are some really really BAD, MUY MALO stuff. It is painful for me to listen to a good percentage on the radio stations, but the good outweighs the bad. I prefer instrumental I think, that is the most peaceful to me and calms my over-wired brain.  I just bought the Piano Guys Christmas CD and it is pretty dang awesome. Different, but some of it is absolutely amazing.  By the way, I had no idea that John Schmidt was the piano half of the piano guys!  He doesn't look like what I had pictured. That was a useless comment, but this is a blog so I can use too many words to express my own self. Josh Groban is my exception to my love of instrumental. He is so dreamy I tell you, then hook him up with Faith Hill and I am fallin' on the floor happy.  One of my favorite things in life is a truly fantastic harmony. 

6-Tinsel.  I know what you are thinking, tinsel is tacky. NO ITS NOT! it just has to be the right kind and hung in the right place.  You should see my gold, really retro, like way way old school tinsel I got last year at one of our favorite little shops, The Harmony Shop in Provo.  Its so pretty I just stare and stare at it. Small things amuse small minds, and I love tinsel, so put that in your pipe and smoke it!!

7-My replica of the cardboard, with slits and you put it all together and we all got them in primary when we were little.  You know the one?  Well, we know I have the best most lovely friends and my darling Dana across the street, after getting weary of hearing me year after year yearn after hers, had a copy made somehow and cut it out and made slits and you can see the places where she had taped hers together and that made it all the better!  I just love it and it replaced my porcelain nativity scene, which was always just a little uncomfortably fancy for me.  I love it and will use it FOREVER!  Shout out to Mark and Dana. Thank you again.

8-Lights, duh, everyone loves Christmas lights. I love other peoples lights but I will admit that our own, outside lights which I am in charge of give me a little heart-burn. There is a movie which is a cult classic favorite around here, It is called Mixed Nuts and it is Hillbillyarious I tell you! there are a lot of stars in it and Rita Wilson has a battle with the lights she is trying to put up and I just want to cry cause I relate so well.

9-Christmas movies. Are they not calming and comforting?  Some of our favorites are the following:

Mixed Nuts
The Grinch
Lost in paradise (its naughty but funny)
The Family Stone
Muppet Christmas Carol
White Christmas
Christmas Vacation (my tradition is to watch this while wrapping presents) its so stupid funny!

Don't you all just quote the Grinch all year long?  We do. "Even if we are HORRIBLY mangled, ther'll be no sad faces on Christmas."

10- I Love Jesus. A lot. How I would have gotten through the past year with out God and my Savior I have no idea. I don't think I could have, or if I did I would have come through it a lot more battered, body and spirit. Thanks for all your prayers. No really...THANK YOU.