Weird, but good learning experience today in the Chemo Zone. Let me clarify. I still get one component of my three drug chemo regimen. It is the part called Herceptin that, in combination with one little estrogen killing pill per day and one humongous shot that shoots a pellet of drugs that shut down my innocent little ovaries into my gut every three weeks, will hopefully keep my estrogen whore of a cancer at bay.  I have a gene, called HER 2, which is positive in me, along with another progesterone lover. So, that just means that I HAVE NO ESTROGEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN, IN MY BODY!!! And that's ok. (So far no one has commented on my shorts, tank tops and flip-flops in freezing weather! ) These genes are preferable to the BRCA gene that Angelina Ballerina Jolie has. That particular gene  is a mean SOB. I had that test done first thing at my Surgeon (shout out to Jennifer Tittensor rah rah!! I love her!!). Insurance doesn't usually pay for BRCA testing. you have to be in a really high risk category. So the BRCA test people send most of us a lovely little bill for 4 thousand dollars!!!! They have a patent on the test which on my end meant swishing scope three times and spitting it back into a container. Try holding scope in your mouth for a minute or two. See what happens. BURNBURNBURN!!!! Holy Hannah. anyway, the company called Meridian has the patent on this test and so they can charge whatever they well please cause they know you will probably be willing to pay for it to know you do or do not have Brangelina's gene.  I would have made the same call she did. She was brave.
Anyway, they don't 'win 'em all' in the Chemo zone. I had my first experience of one of my co-pts. who, today, along with her family and our nurse, rang the bell for the last time. It slowly occurred to me what was going on. I hate it when my favorite nurse cries and she was crying, not in a YEY it's over way. It was an 'it's all over' kind of cry. It never occurred to me that she wouldn't be ok. She was a talker and everyone knew her and you are just supposed to get better. Only sometimes you don't.  I am so grateful that my Chemo Nurses and  my Cancer Docs decided to take their path in life down my path. It is not an easy job. Sometimes it just plain sucks. They are a different breed of health care workers. I am so grateful for their knowledge and there endurance and their ability to roll with whatever happens and adapt.

So right after they said goodbye to their sweet patient, a couple came back and by golly they were up up upset! So...they vented a little in front of all of us, understandably, and then our nurse, she said have a seat and let me finish here. Then she finished, got a rolling stool, rolled right in front of these distraught folks, knee to knee, looked them in the eye and asked them what happened. What happened was, they were not scheduled for Chemo today but since it was a time and day they have always had, they came, not aware that Chemo staff was only in for a half day due to New Years and all. Now you might think, no big deal, just come back on Friday, which is what the receptionist told them, and it came across to the couple as completely unfeeling and cold and bitchy. WELL let me tell YOU Miss "To Cool for School", (that's not really what I wanted to say..) it is a HUGE deal to come in and not be able to have Chemo. It happened to me once and I was devastated. Like they were expressing to the nurse, you are up and hyped the whole night before, you don't want chemo but putting it off is just the worst cause now you are behind and you have to do the whole anticipation thing all over again and its not something well people can even understand. It's a big deal.

Here's the thing, and this is what I learned again today. It IS what you say and it IS the way you say it. BUT, if you are uncaring and unfeeling and forget that the person standing in front of you, or over the phone, or over a text, is a living, breathing, feeling person, then your message will go down in flames. They will only remember the way you treated them. I am not sure what this sweet couple were more upset about, the message, or the delivery. This pt nearly quit her treatment right then and there because of the way someone chose to treat her. Cancer treatment is ASTRONOMICALLY  expensive and not everyone has the blessing we have of fantastic health insurance like I have. They said they would go to Huntsman right then and there if it wasn't going to cost more. So anyway, after another kind compassionate NP came and spoke with her and smoothed it over and problem solved with them and arranged for treatment in a different place, they may have gone home and never come back.

This was my scary thought. There have been times, even in nursing that I have had less than stellar communications with people. Probably dozens,(well maybe not that much), but what if MY reaction to someone else's problem caused them to feel so defeated and hopeless that they made a bad decision? It could happen to any of us. It's true because I saw it happen today.

I am so grateful for the lovely people in my life, for instance, these peeps today, who show me how to be like them, like Jesus, to be  more kind and less reactionary. They show me that the way you treat others creates or destroys.  My friend  always says' "I cant judge them... I have not walked in their mocs." My hottie therapist husband saysthat "Behavior is purposeful". So I am going to try to think of the purpose of my behavior, my thoughts, by actions and mostly my words. That's all.

I Love you readers of mine! Peace out and don't drink too much. Jrob

Damn Taliban

Bummed. The Taliban is to blame.

So what do you do?  In the scriptures it says that Alma and the Son's of Mosiah were the "vilest of sinners"  and so if they were the 'vilest' then that probably puts the taliban (actually I don't think that word deserves a capital letter, just my opinion) right up there with them.  Seems to me that the attempt to kill someone's faith and spirit, which is what Alma and his dude's were doing, is as bad or worse than seven or eight full grown terrorists, shooting and killing 132 kids and and 16 adults in a school, during an assembly type of activity.  They said that the shooting was justified and do you know why?  Because it was sort of a tradition to shoot kids and Moms and teachers up when the adults were not supporting their evil.  So HELL'S BELL'S is that the most bizarre reason? Did they think that it would garner them a bunch of support? Oh I have a hard time not hating their freaking guts!

It is so weird to me that those cold blooded murderers, along with all their buddies in mayhem, chose to come to earth. Chose to follow the plan of the Savior. I acknowledge that I am neither judge, nor jury. I can hate the sin, not the sinner.  How do people go so wrong. I wonder how many of those individuals will fall under the category of victims of an iniquitous king. "For behold, how much iniquity doth one king cause to be committed, yea, and what great destruction." AND "the sins of many people have been caused by the iniquities of their kings: therefore their iniquities are answered upon the heads of their kings." Mosiah chapter 29.  Hey, I thought that only little kids got that free pass! Turns out so do misled adults. How did that get by me all my 54 years

Anyway, I guess that is one reason why our Prophet's have always asked us to pray for the leaders of all countries. I never thought much about that till today.  I am just one person.  So I am recommitting myself to add that into my prayers. Maybe that will help me stop being so furiously furious at the damn-damn Taliban.

By the way, I am not super smart or informed and I didn't understand till I started reading up that there is a Pakistani Taliban. I know, you are wanting to reply and tell me the rest of what I don't understand but please don't. That's not why I am writing this blog. Only tell me if I made some gigantic mistaken statement.

To Judy Kenison Cannon, I always think of you when I am banging away on my blog. Please forgive my errors in punctuation, on and on! I probably give you such a headache. I wish you could be my very own professor!

Peace out Peeps. I have to write another blog now.

OK... Feeling super festive right now. These are some things I love about the Yuletide Season:

1-Our always Charlie Brown Christmas tree. FRESH! No exceptions. I'd sell my...well I'd sell just about anything in order to have a real tree.  Every year I get a new glittery something to add to the tree and their is lots of homemade from school, or nursery kid creations. Our tree has something for everyone!

2-Our wall of Christmas stockings.  Every single one of us, grandkids included have hand quilted, and decorated and names crosstiched on the cuff. Every single time, since it was only Greg, Emily and I my darling and lovely and talented friend, her name is Janna, Well everytime there was another kid, their was a new stocking completely different and all the same for every in-law and now grandkids.  One year, we got overly excited cleaning up cause we had a new WI game system and we accidentally threw Greg's stocking away. I was pretty distressed. Guess who had a new stocking the next Christmas? Yup.

3-My Mothers Jewelry Chrismas tree. I will explain. She had a friend who took all the costume jewelry she had from like, her whole life, lots of which I remember and she got this ginormous frame, covered the inside with black velvet, glued, in a really awesome fashion all this glittery jewelry into the shape of a Christmas tree, and it even had a starfish pin (so tacky and awesome) on the top. She used this tree as a substitute when she was older and didn't want the work of a regular tree. I put it in her window, in her room for three years when she was in the nursing home.  She would never let the nurses plug it in, OH I forgot to tell you that the creater poked holes in the back and poked through lights from top to bottom and so it was real shiny next to the jewels.  Anyway's, she would never let the nurses plug it in because then the lights would get used up. I WAS SO FRUSTRATED WITH THIS PART and would try so hard to convince her that I could replace the lights but she was just so freaking set on certain things. When she was pretty far gone and could not really express her wants I told those nurses, turn it on and never turn it off for the whole month.  And they didn't.  I hope she got some joy out of it's beauty. To my credit, I thought my sister would want it and I offered it to her but she said no. Therefore, I, without guilt have it propped up in all its boisterous, beauty on my piano. It's worth dropping by to see.

4-I love the memory of my Father painstakingly, one by one putting the long, shiny, pain in the butt ice cycles on our family's tree. I don't know how he did it. He had the patience of Job. I would like to think I could do that, cause it would look awesome but I would end up throwing gobs of them on the tree all at once and calling it good. He was so awesome.

5-Christmas tunes!  Now, look people, we all know that there is some outstanding Christmas compositions out there and then there are some really really BAD, MUY MALO stuff. It is painful for me to listen to a good percentage on the radio stations, but the good outweighs the bad. I prefer instrumental I think, that is the most peaceful to me and calms my over-wired brain.  I just bought the Piano Guys Christmas CD and it is pretty dang awesome. Different, but some of it is absolutely amazing.  By the way, I had no idea that John Schmidt was the piano half of the piano guys!  He doesn't look like what I had pictured. That was a useless comment, but this is a blog so I can use too many words to express my own self. Josh Groban is my exception to my love of instrumental. He is so dreamy I tell you, then hook him up with Faith Hill and I am fallin' on the floor happy.  One of my favorite things in life is a truly fantastic harmony. 

6-Tinsel.  I know what you are thinking, tinsel is tacky. NO ITS NOT! it just has to be the right kind and hung in the right place.  You should see my gold, really retro, like way way old school tinsel I got last year at one of our favorite little shops, The Harmony Shop in Provo.  Its so pretty I just stare and stare at it. Small things amuse small minds, and I love tinsel, so put that in your pipe and smoke it!!

7-My replica of the cardboard, with slits and you put it all together and we all got them in primary when we were little.  You know the one?  Well, we know I have the best most lovely friends and my darling Dana across the street, after getting weary of hearing me year after year yearn after hers, had a copy made somehow and cut it out and made slits and you can see the places where she had taped hers together and that made it all the better!  I just love it and it replaced my porcelain nativity scene, which was always just a little uncomfortably fancy for me.  I love it and will use it FOREVER!  Shout out to Mark and Dana. Thank you again.

8-Lights, duh, everyone loves Christmas lights. I love other peoples lights but I will admit that our own, outside lights which I am in charge of give me a little heart-burn. There is a movie which is a cult classic favorite around here, It is called Mixed Nuts and it is Hillbillyarious I tell you! there are a lot of stars in it and Rita Wilson has a battle with the lights she is trying to put up and I just want to cry cause I relate so well.

9-Christmas movies. Are they not calming and comforting?  Some of our favorites are the following:

Mixed Nuts
Elf
The Grinch
Lost in paradise (its naughty but funny)
The Family Stone
Muppet Christmas Carol
White Christmas
HOME ALONE TWO IS BETTER THAN ONE CAUSE IT HAS THE PIGEON LADY AND SHE ROCKS THE SCREEN!
Christmas Vacation (my tradition is to watch this while wrapping presents) its so stupid funny!

Don't you all just quote the Grinch all year long?  We do. "Even if we are HORRIBLY mangled, ther'll be no sad faces on Christmas."

10- I Love Jesus. A lot. How I would have gotten through the past year with out God and my Savior I have no idea. I don't think I could have, or if I did I would have come through it a lot more battered, body and spirit. Thanks for all your prayers. No really...THANK YOU.

Balance

Went to a funeral today. Haven't  been to one for a year, since my Mom's and that was way different cause I was sort of the boss of it.  My Mother left explicit instructions as to how her funeral would go down.  I knew all about the hand written instructions, reassured her many times that I had everything in a folder and would carry out all her wishes.  Wellllll.... When my Mom died, I went home and went to the folder and opened it up and guess what?? Everything was there in order to get her all buried up in the right spot and all paid for and everything was there EXCEPT her handwritten instructions. They had seriously vanished. I looked and looked and they, and I swear this were always there when I had opened that folder before. They were gone and stayed gone and I never did find them.  I think that she had a nice, lovely funeral even without her marching orders.  So I figured that gave us license to do as we pleased.  She was quite controlling in her life. It made it hard to deal with her when she had to have everything just so. I suppose that was her way of maintaining a secure feeling.  I am quite sure she has still not forgiven me for moving her out of her home of 45 years.  I was not very sympathetic at the time, what had to be done, had to be done. That was that. Looking at it now, a year later, I get it. I have not had much control over my life during 2014. I went through it all, cause that's what you do. You just do what has to be done.  That is no way to lead a life. I really wish I would have spent more time thinking about what we all experienced this past year, because eventually you have to think about it. You have to REALLY think about it, and it is not pleasant and it is damn scary. I fight and fight and fight with myself to stay positive which must be why people are so kind and say I am so strong and that I am inspirational (WHHAAT?) and all that kind of stuff when really they just see me dressed with my fohawk nicely parted and on my feet. They don't know how I have handled any of it, really.  They are just seeing me, looking and acting normal. There is no normal anymore.  Once you have cancer, every single day is a struggle not to worry. It was suggested to my by one of my life coaches (bahaha) one of my shrinks that is, that I not shoot for having a positive day, but maybe just a realistic day.  So, being the excellent client I am, I am taking his advice and shooting for real days. I wish I knew someone like me, someone that is just so much like me that they would just know what I was thinking and feeling. I know, I know, you are all saying that I do, and of course I know that "I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me, and I love him" I know he is always there. I know that, but sometimes I need a real person right next to me that "gets" me. But then again, maybe, like the funeral of an absolutely stellar individual, I need to think less and just live a little more.  The motto of this man was "Work hard, Play hard".  When I think of him, I think of three things. First I know this man has a testimony that is second to NONE! He has strengthened my testimony, at girls camp, several years in a row. The second thing I think of is a picture in my mind of him with a toilet plunger, cause trust me, at girls camp, if you sign up as a priesthood leader, you must  know your way around the biffy!  The third thing I think of when I think of this man is what a hard worker he is. I didn't see much down time for him. He worked hard at girls camp but apparently knew how to play hard also. All I can think of is that he must have been "Too good for this earth". So, as a little shout out to Randy Loveless, I will "work hard, and play hard". I hope to be able to have balance as he did. I hope to be a force for good as he was. Needless to say, I will not be writing out my own funeral plan, accompanist included! Peace out my friends.

Read at your own risk. I am writing this for me. Just me. As Holly mentioned in a facebook post, "Chemo leaves a trail". Yes it does. It is very, very common to experience major depression and anxiety when your treatments are over.  The doctors don't tell you this and it makes sense that they don't because then you would be anticipating it and setting yourself up for something that might not even affect you.  But when it happens, no one who knows anything about cancer treatment is surprised. NO ONE. I don't know why, but I have no warm fuzzy feelings when I hear that it is normal and they all promise it will go away and Hell's Bell's it is a rough row to hoe!
I am well versed in anxiety. I was born anxious and had parents that were really busy with my Hell raising siblings. I was quiet. I stood still, I held still and hoped desperately that someone would notice that I was scared. I think most of my childhood was spent in a suspended state of  "What or who is gonna GET  me today?" Therefore, I as I became an adult I thought I had the world by a string cause by golly I was going to do things differently.  So I had five kids, and shiz, guess what? some of them are pretty anxious at times also.  This is what I learned about how I raised my kids.  I learned that no matter how much I wanted to protect my children from fear, from hurt, from bad stuff in general, it was not my job to hover over them and wreck my own psyche worrying about them. They are supposed to learn how to deal with bad crap and it is my job to let them while hanging around the edges of their lives, to support them and cheer them on when they struggled with the bullies in this big ol' life.  I tried very valiantly and quite successfully to do just the opposite of much of what my parents did and guess what? It was not in my children's best interest because I was doing it for ME! Now, don't get me wrong, I have five extraordinary people as my children and they are all law abiding upstanding citizens and no one is socially retarded or anything like that They are kind, considerate, employed, hug their Mom regularly individuals, but I should have protected them a little less. I should have been late picking them up every once in a while so they would know they could be ok on their own and stuff like that. Having said all that, I don't really have a lot of regret, just a little.
Anyway, as I said before, I am well aquainted with the demon that is "Generalized anxiety" and if you know anything about it, you know that anxiety and depression are good buddies. They don't like to hang without each other, but this I do know, and have a hard, HARD time believing and that is that it always passes. This is my first legitimate go-round with depression and I think I prefer it to anxiety. but both of them together? well that is  just not fair!!!!   I am so sorry for any and all of you who struggle with either because it's just Hell. That's all, it is just so tough and oh..another thing that Chemo does is turn on your tears!  I am so dang stinkin' good at crying now! I seriously didn't even know how but now I do, you better believe me when I tell you that if you are all big and bad and never let your kids see you cry, then they will feel like a freak when THEY cry. They might think that they are baby-whimpy-whimps. They are not and neither are you. It takes courage to cry right out loud. It takes courage to let people know when you need help. It takes courage to get up every day and face whatever it is that seems to beat crap out of you. Other people want to cry more than they do, probably just like you do. You are not the only one.
My mother-in-law whom I adored in life and now, said that phrase that we all either get really pissed if someone says it to us, or, we take it into our hearts, and our brains. At first I was real immature and got irritated when she said it, but one day I realized this: SHE KNOWS MORE THAN ME!!!! And after that I knew she was right almost all the time. Wanna know what she said? She said "This too shall pass" This too. So....what....are you mad or do you believe my awesome Aussie Mama?

What's up buttercup? What's the word, hummingbird? What's the jist Physicist? I love Big Bang Theory. I have been frowned on by others for watching this ever so hillbillyarious sit com. Last night I watched episode after episode cause that sort of thing is my comfort. I, like Sheldon,, have my own 'spot' on the couch, well actually it is the whole couch. After five or six or seven hours in Chemo getting fluids, magnesium and potassium I can only think of my spot on the couch under quilts made especially for me. Then I watch one show over and over, I also absolutely adore "The Middle". I did not know about this little gem of brain candy till recently. Sue Heck is my HERO! Holly made me a little poster with lot's of pic's of Sue with the title "Sue Heck never gives up!" and I look at it every day and it makes me happy. My family will do just anything to keep the Mama happy. I don't think I blogged about my last day of Chemo. Just as I was finishing up, my entire family except Carly who was working all trooped through the door with matching shirts on, which featured a montage of wacky pictures which Holly took one day of me. then they all were personalized with a message from each of them, even the babies! even the tiniest baby Weston. It was so dang awesome. I never feel worthy of the Love and concern and work they all go to for me.  Then I got to ring the "Done with Chemo bell" which is cool but embarrassing all aat the same time.  I have been here many times when other patients have rung that bell. It's a nice touch.
So how bout that texting law?  Myself, I have noticed a large decrease of idiot behavior behind the screen, (not the wheel). For me, I have never texted while driving as I cannot walk and chew gum. Plus, who? who? in their right mind would text while driving after seeing those anti-text commercials on tv, in particular the one where the teenage girl is trying to write an apology to the parents of the child she killed while texting. HOLY SHIZ that would make me stop gum chewing while driving (I can drive with gum, just cant walk across a room). When that ad comes on I just want to jump through the screen and hug that stupid girl! I am a rescuer by nature, and a lover of the underdog. Call me the stupid one but I always think of them and hope they have a good support system as well as and  MORE IMPORTANTLY the victims of the said mayhem. I am getting better about the rescuing thing, as I have to keep my mouth shut much more now that I am a MeeMaw. I am doing pretty well I think, but if you ask the parents of my G-Kids, they may express a wish that I try a little harder.
My parents always taught me not to complain about the weather. Ever. They believed that if you complain about the weather, you are complaining directly about, or to the Big Guy upstairs. So, it stuck and I really try not to complain. This becomes challenging in my most disliked season, Summer. I am not complaining. I am saying that I cant freaking, creaking, wreaking, WAIT for Autumn. I about go nutty nuts when the apples get red, and I can hear the football games commentated just like "Friday Night Lights" and the grass looks nice again, and you get that second wind that helps you be motivated to get back into the yard and make it look all beautiful after the ravages of summer have, well ravaged the yard and my get up and go.  Since I started the big "C" treatment something weird in me will not let me wear short sleeves, even if I am hot sometimes. It is odd. anyone have any ideas why I am wearing a hoody, and yoga pants, shoes and socks? let me know your thoughts.  Chances are, I am just being my own weirdy self! and that's ok. Cheerio Mates!

So hey there all you sugar bears. So first, I am down in the Chemo zone where all the good fun happens!! You see, even though I am done with the tough chemo, I am still privileged to spend many many hours down here in this bright cheerful white clean as a whistle room with my nurses, whom we all adore. You see, I have had three kinds of chemo, two super mean ones, (not mean to me, they love me, they don't love my cancer cells). And one kind of Chemo that is going to keep me visiting the zone till, ohh, about February.  It is called Herceptin. it is a fascinating drug. I have a type of breast cancer that is called HER2 positive. (not the BRCA gene Angelina had, which really sucks if you have that one)!! Sooo I just bop in every three weeks and get me some Herceptin which costs my insurance co about a million bucks and I am grateful. Chemotherapy is EXTREMELY TO THE EXTREME expensive. Just so you know.
Someone took my seat today. I usually sit in the same chair in the corner of windows then I can turn my head when I want to forget where I am and look out at the landscaping which is very green and see all the cars go by on 5th west.  I also see lots of really interesting sorts walking the sidewalk. It's fun! But since my seat is gone and this place is hopping I sit in the middle where I can spy on the nurses. They kill me, they are doing a job that would make the average person cry and run away fast and they do it so wel an they do it fast and they also can just look at you and say "Hey doc, we think this one has a Pulmonary Embolism" and the docs, who are every bit as delightful and smarter than Hell say "OK." and guess what, they are right and then they let me cry and then they hug me and sneak over to buy flowers at the gift shop for me and hug me some more. My bad days in this white clean place are rare. There is not much chitchat between patients and that's ok.  I mean, we recognize each other and say hi maybe but before I started chemo I read up on 'Chemotherapy etiquette"  Who knew there was such a thing? But it says to use your brain and read body language and if they have headphones on then they would rather you leave them alone. Or if they are in the middle of a double issue of People Mag then for sure don't bug! We all just sort of ride this out in a routine that feels good to us.  I bring my favorite "Fight like a Girl!" bag that my friend Tiffany gave me and in it I usually keep my kindle, a real book, my crocheting, and a bunch of other dumb stuff I don't need. I kind of go back and forth and do this, then that blah, blah, but I have a tough time reading which I love to do. It is common to loose all means of concentration cause its sort of like your brain is like swiss cheese. Not gonna lie. It's frustrating as crap. I am spending three or four hours down here every other day because chemo really screws up my electrolytes and so I slide in, they hook me up, give me lots of magnesium which takes sometimes 5 hours.  Oh well. I am grateful for my garden variety of cancer. Who wouldn't wanna be ME!!
'"

"The night is always darkest before the dawn".

Hello all my Peeps!  just sittin here in the Utah heat doing nothing. Fourth of July is such a fabulous holiday and my good noodles! the aerials around our house were very very numerous and I figure if my neighbors can afford to host the  100 south of fire,,, then why do they live on 100 South? Just a little thought that blew through my Chemo riddled mind last night.  I don't mind, after the first year with the new law, not last year but the year before, I swear I thought it was the end of days. People surely do enjoy their big bangs and pretty lights.  I missed them for the first time in a long time last night.  Sometimes my brain does not process my thoughts and emotions appropriately. Don't you just hate when that happens? I mean, you know for sure what is what, and your brain wont let you remember it.  Then you get it back, and all is well, and you can almost feel normal and look around and ground yourself (that's a fancy therapeutic word), grounding helps you know who you are, where you are, and that you are safe and its ok to be peaceful and happy. You look around you and see WHAT IS. You know you are ok but still, that little devil on your shoulder nags and nags.  That, my dear people, is when you need that word called FAITH. That's all. Love you lovelies.

Babysittin' and Residents

Hello All!  Big night for me. It's Friday, and everyone had a previous engagement and I didn't even have to have a babysitter!!Whoo Hoo! Sad but true, that there are about ten days after Chemo where I am a danger to myself and others and it's not a good id a to leave me home alone. Tonight I said to those worried faces, I said "Hey, ya'all just go along cause Samson and I are going to watch us an entire evening of the AWESOME wedding shows! Yes we will watch them until they start over again yes and then when that happens we will watch guess what??? No, really guess what my favorite TV program is? OK, I'll give you multiple choice.
A-Anything on food network
B-CSI reruns
C-The Middle
OK, please text me what your guess is cause it will tell me a lot about what you think of my character.  
I have been thinking today about Residents. It is June and June will forever remind me of Resident graduation, which happens tomorrow.  My seven years at Merrill Gappmayer Family Medicine is so full of fantastic and fun and FUNNY memories.  I love Residents.  I can honestly say, after counting them all up, about 45 in all that I worked directly with, that I cant think of a single one that I didn't care for. Ok, well I did think of one but I am sure if I knew this person better I would like him too. The huge majority, after working with them from little first years, and I swear they grow in three years, anyway, I loved almost all of them and cried at all the graduations.  I thought about what makes these people different than what I see on Grey's, well besides the obvious differences, and way the thing is, these guys and gurl's come into the Clinic and they are NICE! and when they are all done and totally truncky to get the heck out of there, some of them are even nicer. It is amazing to see them grow up and turn into Physicians. They are trained and taught and mentored and helped by a Faculty who sometimes, I bet, drag them through and these Faculty docs apparently, have not forgotten what its like to be residents. I know this because the interns don't usually try to hide when one comes 'round. They have been some of  the funest,  smartest, kindest, most empathetic people that I know and I am grateful for all of them (except that one which I don't have an apreciation for yet:)
While I am bearing my testimony of Family Medicine, just a huge shout out to all the staff that taught me ssooooo veeeerrrrry patieentttttllllyyy!!!! for all seven years.  There was never a day I didn't learn something, and never a day I didn't make a mistake and it was with the Patience of...OH gosh I don't know that they just kept NOT FIRING ME! I worked with a lot of the most Stand-Up people I know and I miss laughing till it hurts with them. Sendin' the love to you darlin' new GRAD'S

Hello all my people! I got a brand new laptop for Fathers Day! I suppose Greg is the smart dude we know  him to be and figured he wouldn't have FD without me, so of course I should get a lovely gift too! Man I tell you that was quite a day as it was Fathers and Joanna's day, Emily's birthday and our brand new little baby Westons birthday too! It was kinda really cool since I had my first baby June 15th on Fathers Day then Jill did the same thing, by coincidence on June 15th and Fathers day. How brilliant is that?  Anyway, our beautiful Weston was born 3 weeks early, and he is a little sick with an infection. The really crappy thing about this is that he has to stay here in the NICU for about 3 weeks. (again, like Emilys little crazy Ivy. But  he is pink and pretty feisty and has to have a Lumbar Puncture today to make sure he doesn't have meningitis.  This is very sucky when you think about it.

I am down here in the Chemo Zone getting My Chemo Cockail #5.  I am going to tell you all a little secret about encouragement. Everyone means well when they talk to you about your crappy disease. Guess what is not helpful?? It is not helpful when you say "Oh but hey, you only have 2 more rounds or 5 more or 8'. The thing about Chemo is, that the medication (OK, it's poison but I hate, double hate, loathe ENTIRELY, when that word is used and it gets used a lot. Really? do you want to sit and chat it up about the poison you received for four hours today)? Anyway, the Chemo has a cumulative effect, which means that each time you get another round and your body, all the awesome cells and all the dumb cells go like this "Uh, they're back, those bloody little flowers with the Pacman mouths are BACK and they dumb cells get entirely happy because they know that your body is tired  of the fight, and that your good numbers are going to go right in the toilet which postpones your chemo and that you have so much less to fight with and that makes the dumb cells happy cause they have a better opportunity to miss being shot by the Pacman flowers like a angry blonde woman with a 38 in her purse

So, my rant is basically saying that it sounds like encouragement when you say hey, "Oh, only 2 more rounds? You got this" what that does to me is  make my stomach squeeze and my head start to sweat under my hat and I AM SCARED!! But hey, now that I think of it, what else are you suppose to say to me. That's a good question. Knowing what I know now, I would say "OUCH" that's all, just "OUCH" but that is just not common knowledge, so when you say the above to me I will just realize how much you care, how much empathy you are feeling for me, how much you love me and my family and how concerned you are. So it's my problem. You are all the best most lovely people a girl could ask for.

So Chemo #5 out of  6 is complete, it will now do what it does best, kills the dumb cells and tries hard not to kill me. In about 2 days it will start to make me wanna drive off a cliff, it will probably cause me to have zero blood clotting capabilities (which is challenging  for me since I am a klutz and bump into things a lot and don't even let me near a butter knife!) and on and on but it wont kill me, and hopefully it wont kill my family either.  I have a husband and 8 kids that are absolutely perfect for what I am going through, and guess what, they go through it too. It is so hard as a Mom to see your kids hurt and get beat down because of what they see me go through. It's tough, just plain tough. Chemotherapy makes you cry...ALOT! bet you didn't know that? and another little funny fact is that it makes your nose run like a faucet ALL THE TIME! it is a bizarre side effect that I am not complaining about, just reporting the facts Ma'am. Oh, and it also makes you dumber than a post, really. You cant believe the words and the names I can't for the life of me recall when I need to!

So, if you are the lovely friends and family I know, please keep us in your prayers.  I cannot do this without them. I just can't.  Thank you Thank you Thank you all for everything you do for us. It is a humbling and overwhelming thought to know so many people care so much for us and you do. 

Love you all, Love me.

P. E. (unfortunately in this case does not stand for physical eductaion)

Hello! this blog has been neglected for quite some time, folks!  I guess it's that "no news is good news" thing... yeah?
not that the reason for this is necessarily BAD news... it's just no the greatest or happiest.

oh, by the way, this is Holly speaking.

Treatment number 4 was a DOOZY. starting on Friday, ending yesterday, it was all just quite hellish to tell you the honest truth. anxiety + that horrid, nasty chemo feeling that is indescribable and just gross.

Well yesterday and today, mum was feeling extra tired and fatigued. I, being a know-it-all/optimist, pegged it as her blood counts being low, just like usual. (*CHEMO LESSON*... the chemo drugs kill all of your cells, but the good cells grow back much faster than the dumb-A cancer cells.) We all just thought, "yeeeah, that's just your low RBC's and what not, plus you've been through a battle for the passed 3 days so you've got license to be tired, yo."

well this morning, when she went up the stairs (6 steps), poured her cereal, and came back down, she was gosh-dang out of breath. so we decided to call and make an appt for her to go get IV fluids, since that has worked in the past.

LONGGGG story short, after getting to the chemo zone, getting some blood work done, and a CT scan, they found a ... wait for it... BABY pulmonary embolism.

that sounds scary, doesn't it? yeah you're tellin' me. it was just a tiny little guy, and with two shots of Lovenox a day, (a blood thinner) the clot should shrink AND it should prevent new ones from forming. (plus it will give me plenty of practice with poking people! (bright side, but a bright side I could do without.)

I hate the word clot. don't you? it's unpleasant.

We sometimes forget to say thank you to the prayers that are being said for us, so here is a huuuuuuuge THANK YOU from us Robinsons. we have made it through 4 out of 6 treatments, and we're gonna make it through 2 more.

A special shout-out to the neighbors who weeded the CRAP out of our front yard, and planted flowers. I mean. really you guys. could Greg and Joanna have PICKED a better neighborhood to live in?

thank you thank you thank you, everyone. for the good vibes and continued prayers. we thank Heavenly Father each and every day for the people we know, and the support and love we feel.

we'll keep you posted, but I mean, she's got this. 

PS!!!!! we are all participating in the Strides Against Breast Cancer walk in October, and we would LOOOOVE for as many people as possible to join our team!! You can find out more info on the Facebook group, and stay tuned on that for fundraiser information and how to sign up for the team! Click here to join the group! :)

Bring on the Chemo Cocktail Royale oh dear ones at the Chemo Zone. It really is a cocktail you know. They take you med by med and tell you what it is for, give it to you very slowly the first round so as to avoid any sudden nasty reactions. It takes 4-6 hours the first time, always with a Oncologist just around the corner.  My Oncologists name is Nathan Rich. He is cool, he is smart, he is real, he has no ego and he comes HIGHLY recommended and I like him alot.  He waited until I was all the way, (well as well as can be expected) to start my Chemo.  It is most important to start withing 8 weeks of surgery and I am starting at 7 so I don't feel like a loser or anything for not starting sooner. I couldn't anyway. He and his team of lovely nurses and staff have done everything possible to get me ready for this in every way.  My port was accessed yesterday, that means its hooked up and ready to roll. I love my port, it is an absolute lifesaver and saver of pain and veins and ohhh so much already.  My port has a name, her name is Penelope.  I have a little corner on my surgical site, I have an expander in, its like a hyper-tytanium implant, ok, its more like canvas, anyway everything is round except this little corner and it makes me grin everyweek when I go in for my little drainage procedure to see it just bug CRAP out of him. His name is Mark Jensen, just another one of my team of Hero's.
Anyway he always says, "We'll take care of that later" but you can see the perfectionism in him just oozing out, poor guy.  So this little corner also has a name and this HIGHLY amused my sort of quiet surgeon. Her name is Marla, (named graciously after Marla Hootch in "A league of their own" sort of out of place but turns out "Two thumbs up!". Glad I could make him laugh. He is also just the best, as is his office staff.

I expect this will be a ride. I expect I won't love it, I am a little nervous, but this business is the business of curing.  I refuse to think of Chemo as poison. It is medicine. I think of tiny flowers with big bad mouths flowing down my veins and "doing their worst" which is their best.

Till later my peeps, thanks for reading. Peace out.

Not feeling very brave. I was reading all these bio's of cancer survivors that had been interviewed, and I was feeling Super-unbrave but then I realized that everyone of them are on the other end of the fight and I have just stepped into the ring so It's ok if I'm not brave.  I also came to the realization today that i need to stop being pissed about the whole dreadful hospital ordeal because hey...prayers and prayers, and prayers work and they...the prayers and the Doctors, nurses, on and on saved my life although I thought for sure they were killing me.

Maybe I will be brave tomorrow.  But for tonight, I am goin' with my own tweaked quote: "That which does not kill us makes us wish we were dead"

Bahahaha I crack myself up! Peace out my homies:)

Bet you didn't know that when you are getting all geared up for the fun that is Chemotherapy, they have you go in and they teach you very carefully about what it is, what it does, what it does not, what it causes, on and on and it was pretty interesting.  They first have you watch a video where a real pretty girl which has obvi never HAD chemo tells you a bunch of stuff. Well the deal is, that she said the word "Chemotherapy" so many times in the fifteen minute video that it started sounding really funny to me and she must have said it, like 3 dozen times.She was careful to point out that Chemo is not the enemy. I have been working for weeks on a visual of the chemo surging in through my Power Port and wreaking havoc, in a good way, on my cancer cells, and my non-cancer cells since chemo does not distinguish. So since the video chick was so kind and helpful I decided to work up a little acronym for the much overused word...you know the one, CHEMOTHERAPY.

C--cheerful, chuckling, cancer cells, ha, they don't know whats about to hit em!
H--hair, like, who needs it anyway?
E--Excercise. Um....it is a brilliant excuse for the lack thereof as I will be working hard at staying     
      upright!  that is excercise enough for this girl right now.
M--Many, much, mega, medications! this is good, some of them have it in for me, some will
      save me   from the very unpleasant side effects of this wonderful chemo I get to have so I don't
     die prematurely.
O--Ordinary. I say this because everyday, I thank God for my ordinary, most common type      of breast cancer. My docs can treat this in their sleep! So ordinary cancer....ordinary chemo. (PLEASE)!
T--Tricksters.  Chemo goes after all your cells, however, cancer cells are slower to recover therefore   my white cells and red ones and platelets will zoom ahead of the recovering cancer cells and kick buttocks. Tricky? Yup.
H--Hell. Already did that. Someone whispered in my ear when I was inpatient "Maybe this is God's   way of letting you know that chemo isn't that bad" brilliant ey?
E--Electrifying. I will forge ahead and imagine those chemicals lighting up my whole self. It        could happen:)
R--Run. I will not run away from the hospital, from the 'Chemo Zone' on the other hand I might walk sort of slowly and not use the valet parking.
A--Awesome, which is what my whole dang medical team is.  I believe them when they say they will get me through this and that I can call 24/7 and no one will be put out. They are the best. Shout out to my PCP Nikki Clark for hooking me up with the best! It ain't what'cha know, it's who you know.
P--Pray, pray, and pray some more. Even chemotherapy needs divine intervention:)
Y--Yes. I believe the word 'yes' has power. I cant explain this but that's ok. So we will march through this new world and we will say 'yes', alot. Just have to trust me on this one.

I love you all so much. I love you even if you are a complete stranger. LOVE HEALS<3
Too tired to make sure I spelled and left no letters out of the word so don't judge me!

I am coming right out and freely admitting  to the world that I love TV!!!  I have never once in my life said the words I hear repeatedly on and on and on "I don't have time for TV"  I secretly think some of you are saying a big fat lie! Anyway, of course there have been times that I did not see Oprah for like four years or something, and that I didn't watch Greys till they were in season 5 or Friday Night Lights till all five seasons were on DVD but, I am saying that I like them! They let me escape a little. I am not so much the spiritual giant that you might think I am. When I was in the hospital, I turned on the TV when I was conscious enough and never turned it off, not once in a million days. I kept it on with no sound if I was actually allowed to sleep which was extremely rare. It was  no ones fault that I was never left alone for more than 20 minutes in sixteen days, when they are taking really good care of you and doing everything on earth to help you get well, it is very time consuming.  I did have one errant IV pump that I swear to you, for 24 hours just went off about every 20 minutes and I tell you I got so psycho that I just about took that pump out and the three others with it!  It was awful! I was in there all during the Olympics which were just as boring as can be but my side-kick Greg, liked them so I just sort of zoned.  He was the best. You guys don't even know how amazing my husband is cause he is quiet and sort of scary. He has taken over my life, cause I cant make my brain work yet. He is the bestest ever and I adore him. Anyway, today I was at my Oncologist and they were scheduling all these different appts. for me and then they highlighted the dates and the page was like a WHOLE PAGE and that was the moment I knew I was getting better (from the hospital) cause I looked at it and exclaimed rather loudly "Oh my gosh, I must have cancer!" Made 'em laugh down there in the Chemo zone.  Hey...I didn't see any TV's in there!

It is late. I am all cozy in my bed with my buddy snoring away beside me.  I am ok with snoring now. I am also all hooked up to my night time buddy, called Oxygen.  Tonight before the drugs kick in it is imperative that I write a bit of what I have been feeling about big kids. Not the little gooey, chubby, warm kisses, jelly covered kind, which are all divine, but you know, those kids grow up, and they are no less extraordinary.  They are who God gives you in return for all those zillions of sleepless nights, barf clean-ups that go from one side of the bathroom to the other, the worries, the sassing, the chasing the sasser down and whacking them one, the endless trips to and from everywhere until they drive, the "I don't really like that kid" lectures, the calls from the school, good or bad and on and on. These are the kids who were ages one to twelve, who are now fifteen to twenty-seven. These are the kids who climbed right into the trenches with me through an awful illness. They all had their own ways of dealing with me. No two the same at all yet all of them saved me. They saved my sanity and still do. They remind me that I have faith when I forget what the word even means. They know how much to push without pushing to hard. They are the best huggers and kissers and they are my reward.  I love my grand-kids like crazy, but they didn't 'go to the mats' with me like my Five.  I have been home from the hospital for ten days and they expect nothing of me. They have patience when I don't. They love me when I am irrational and crying and sure someone will make me go back to the hospital. They are able to see the big picture when it is too big for me to glance at. They say there is nothing stronger than a Mothers love, I beg to differ.

Hello all.  Been home from the hospital for a few days now. For now all I can say is:
THAT SUCKED SO BAD!!!!!.

some happy news

ok, here's a quick update on the happenings of Joanna!

on Wednesday she came home from the hospital with her creatinine plateaued at 5.
fact: normal creatinine is 1
and her hematocrit was at 23
fact: normal hct is 37

Today, she got some more labs done, andddddd
creatinine:3.4
hct: 31!!!!!!

a little medical background: mom is suuuuuper anemic to begin with, and part of what your kidneys do is produce red blood cells. well guess what wasn't working? her kidneys. so she was pretty dang low on blood. that was a huge objective before continuing on with chemo and such--- getting that RBC count up. because chemo makes you anemic. (I know, right?)

she is in good spirits, taking walks, eating toast and drinking juice.

thank you for your support, as always! thank you for keeping us going.
we love you all!!
(she might be back soon with a more humorous update)

pray 4 pee

Well, it turns out mom's kidneys are pretty pissed off from being bullied by all those meds.

yesterday morning, it was "pray that she'll pee"
and today it is still "pray that she'll pee", but also..." pray that the words 'renal failure', which have already been said, will not turn into the really really bad kind of renal failure"

those words scared the hell out of me last night when they were spoken by the nurse. but once again, Dr. Clark to the rescue. I called her, she explained everything very clearly, and I felt better.  She's got the kidney doctor taking care of her, but he hasn't been in this morning yet. so we don't know a whole lot more. just that both of her doctors yesterday told us that "her kidneys are offended, and injured"

you guys, we are so beyond grateful for the love and support, as you know. but now that more crap has hit the fan, we need more. my mom can feel it, and so can all of us Robinsons.

we need those kidneys to do their job. we need them to.

PRAY FOR PEE.

A Pnuemonia Tale

ALRIGHT Y'ALL

a bit of an update. a kinda stupid update. stupid because it's no bueno.

Mama came out of surgery a little wheezy, but that was normal. it didn't get bad until a few days ago, and after a particularly bad 5AM wake-up by her wheezy deezy damn trachea, she went down to the clinic to get a chest x-ray to check it out, to make sure it wasn't pneumonia.  (as you can imagine, coughing with a spacer in your chest has got to feel something like hell)
the x-ray came back, and it looked like there was no pneumonia! on Saturday.

This morning, it was bad again. the clinic couldn't get her in until 2:40, and this was at noon. so we headed over to the Orem Community ER. Nurse Tom took good care of us (just like the last time we were there. seriously CHEERS to nurse Tom. I feel like dropping off a big ol' Texas Roadhouse gift card) and they gave her a breathing treatment and another chest x-ray, revealing that OHHHH she does have pneumonia now. since it wasn't there on Saturday, they had a good baseline to compare it to.

She is now down at UVRMC, being well taken care of by a doctor that she worked with at the M-gap, and she is receiving steady antibiotics and pain management.

As her doctor told me during a little pep-talk today on the phone, this is just a bump in the road.

mom can feel your thoughts and prayers, and she appreciates you all so much. we are grateful people.

thank you thank you thank you.

we'll keep you posted!

Unfortunate news today peeps. The only color of cereal in the cupboard right now is various shades of beige and brown. NO COLOR WHATSOEVER!!! come on people, is that the cereal cupboard of a cancer patient I ask you???

You know you have a pretty darned good life when the thing that makes you the most distressed during the day is that your amazing niece and nephew send you the fourth season of Downton Abbey, straight from the UK and that you have a big decision to make Missy!

I sit here in my lovely recliner which was hauled downstairs and placed in the best spot in the family room by Holly and Ike whilst I was laid up "in hospital". Thats how they say it in the UK. I am sure my poor kids are scared of me getting MEAN through this next year and so for now, I tell you they are more stellar than ever before and that's saying something.  I am absolutely spoiled by everyone in my world. I still have times where this is not at all real, where I just go "how did I get here"?  t is like I am watching a movie about someone else.  I mean, I got a letter from Hannah Lartey today clear from the doitschland! (I sounded that one out obvi!) I call that a score for me!!

Had some interesting experiences in the hospital, at AF Utah. But I shall not bore you with them. I have some awesome surgeons I tell you. They are young and the BEST from all I have gathered. You know  you are in good hands when even the dietary employees are giving you a thumbs up on your Docs.  I am grateful, very grateful to both of them, to their commitment to medicine, to their specialties, their ability to drop the ego's and work like the amazing team they are all to help me. A big shout out to my Radiologist Dr. McClellan, for sticking me back in that Mammo mammoth over and over till he saw what hid from the other Mammogram ninja's. I often think if another Doc had been there, would he have gone back and looked as hard as mine did? Don't know.

Finally,  I am a die hard lover of the Family Medicine Doctors of the world.  They do not get the recognition they deserve.They are in the trenches with us. They get things rolling, and get us to the docs who can best help us.  I love my Doctor to pieces! Speaking of Doctors, my surgeon just called me with the call I have been waiting and waiting for, and guess what?? She was HAPPY! Out of twenty lymph nodes she removed, only ONE had cancer!! This is extremely awesome news! Whoo HOOOOO!!!!

I have a wonderful life:)

Easy to say now, but the kitchen floor is clean, the dog is clean, the laundry is done, It's Xanax-o'clock. Bring it on you f-ing CANCER! I love you all, I have, as I have said before the best teams ever and I have a wonderful life. Peace out all.

Are you symmetrical? I am symmetrical. I have a great exercise ahead of me to help rid me of this obsession.   I hear the clocks ticking, I say clocks because I am a clock freak and generally have one or two or three clocks in every room.  They make me nervous and calm all at the same time. They never tick or tock at the same time. You should have heard the battle over the photo arrangement in my bedroom between Holly and I.  If you know Holly, she is the least symmetrical gal around and everything she does is Pintrest ready. I sort of won the battle. We compromised. I am rambling. That is how my head feels today, sort of scrambled. I have a sweet friend, she is an incredible young Mommy who has faced physical challenges and pain that are unimaginable to me. She faces all of this with a grace far beyond her years and an outlook I can't begin to match. They say there are people who see the glass half-full, and people that see the glass half-empty. I think I am the kind of person that say's "Hey, there is something in the glass!" My friend, is a glass half full for sure.  She mentioned in her blog today that she would never take the kindness of ANYONE for granted again. I read those words of hers today and it shot me right in the heart because I have had those same thoughts times a  million in the past few weeks.  I cannot believe how nice people are. People I have never met have treated me with a kindness and dignity I can't describe. Surgeons have hearts, they have big hearts, anyway mine do. I am grateful for people who do their jobs and do them well.

Having surgery on Friday. That is the day I begin to realize that symmetry isn't all it's cracked up to be.  I have a wonderful life.  Thank you to all of you who think of us, pray for us laugh with us and understand that my irreverent manner is how I cope.
 
FYI--Have you seen the movie Frozen? Have you seen the movie Saving Mr. Banks?
If you haven't, I tell you, they are the best substitute for therapy there ever was. Trust me on this one.

Hello all. Its me, Joanna/JoMama/Mama Jo

I have always had a rule for facebook posts which my children and I have tried to obey. This is the rule: YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE STATE OF YOUR HEALTH! no one cares about your latest trip to your specialist or the instacare or your colonoscopy prep or your runny, stuffy nose.

This is not facebook.  This is just big old me, although I don't feel so old as I did a week ago.  Cancer makes you feel younger I have decided because your mind goes "hey dude, seems to me that you have a big bunch of years left.  Get that boob job!"  OK stop it all you who are thinking the last person in the world that needs a boob job is me! My insurance which I am SOOOO grateful for is going to foot the bill for this one (or two). 

Finally got my MRI results back.  I am clean as a whistle on one side and problematic on the other.  So this weekend I will figure out the glaring question.....one side, or both sides.  There are alot of opposing views on this question. You think you know exactly what you would do if you were faced with that decision, but guess what, you DON'T know until its in your face and the reality of the decision is in your hands. That is what I learned today. 

Update 1

Holly here!
For your first exciting update of mama Jo's cancer situation.

She went and met with the surgeon this morning, to see what path they would take.
The bad news, she has cancer.
The good news, it's the most common type of breast cancer! does that give you comfort? cause it sure as hell gave us comfort. The sort of bad news is that it has already traveled to at least one lymph node, but if you're going to have cancer, the most common type is preferable. eh?

Facts:

Her surgeon is the great Dr. Tittensor (yes) of American Fork.
Her plastic surgeon is Dr. Jensen also in AF. Dr T is very particular. We are grateful for her.

Tomorrow: she'll have an MRI of her chest, to see if the cancer has spread to the other side.

Next Friday:  She will have a mastectomy on either one side or both, depending on the outcome of the MRI, as well as reconstruction at the same time. They will also kindly put in her new friend called a Port, that is like a mondo semi-permanent IV to save her veins from Chemo assault. Ports are a blessing. ("I don't want to put up with fake boob bra's! I know myself, I won't wear them")

Chemo and radiation are going to be happening after the surgery

The cancer is not yet staged, they'll take care of that during the surgery.

She will not have a PET scan because she is not symptomatic of cancer anywhere else, plus $9000 and massive amounts of radiation are involved in a PET scan so no no no for now. (that scan would be to see if the cancer has metastasized, or spread to somewhere else in her body)

So for now, it is breast cancer we will wage a war with, thats it.

Fun Facts:

She did a very high-and-mighty mouth swish this morning, that "just about burned the shiz out of my tongue!" It's to test for the BRCA gene, a very unlikely positive outcome would mean that Emily, Jill and I would need to be watched VERY carefully starting now. Dr. T has done about 200 of those, and only had about 5 positives. so we're not worrying too much.

Angelina Jolie tested positive for that, which is why she had a double-mastectomy! I say good call Angie!!

.................................................................................................................................................................

That's all for now! Thank you for your prayers and well-wishes.
We can feel the good vibes, and are grateful for the support we have.