"Little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems." I used to throw that little bit of phraseology out to the universe regularly. Its not really true. I had little kids with some big problems, but somehow these issues are more easily dealt with when said kid can still sit in your lap, which would be around age 20-25, (Once they get married it ain't my problem no more. Also a lie.)
I find it maddening that we are never, ever through learning. Patience is a virtue that I am constantly at odds with. The object of my impatience is almost always....wait for it...ME! Now, I am willing to bet that many of you lovelies who are reading my ramblin are thinking "Me too!!" So why? Why? Why? No, I really want to know. Why can we not give ourselves a freakin' break?
I have a dear friend. I hang out with her a bit while she is Rehabbing from a MONSTER of a stroke. Today, away from home, dependent on others for almost everything, gone from a life she lived hard, inside and out, even she expressed as we were chatting that she seemed to be feeling bad about herself because, in her words "Other people are so much worse off than i am". This led to a discussion about miracles. Me: "YOU are a MIRACLE! I know you have heard this over and over but not sure you believe it." She replied, "The real miracle is the Mom who takes care of herself and her four kids by herself because her husband decided he was done, it was too hard. She's a miracle." I could not argue with that kind of logic. She also told me to "Never, ever bargain with God." I love this woman, I believe she has been places the rest of us would never understand. I will not be bargaining with God. Ever.
Back to my original question to you and to myself. Why do we beat ourselves up? My friend has every single reason to give herself a pass for awhile, to give herself a break and feel sad, angry, cheated, a myriad of feelings without feeling guilt, but she, as many of us doesn't seem to think that she is entitled to even the tiniest of pity parties. Well by HOWDY if I didn't feel the same way two years ago myself. Did you know that it is possible to be ill at a pain/misery scale nine out of ten, (ten is unconcious) and still fret and fuss about someone else cleaning the bathroom (and worse)? "Old habits die hard".
So LISTEN UP PEOPLE! We must absolutely find that part of us that is inborn, that part that our outstanding Heavenly Parents instilled in us. That part of us that is nice, sweet, kind, and loving not only to every one else, but to ourselves as well. I think that we must, in the loveliest way, TURN VICIOUSLY ON OURSELVES, and be nice instead of punitive, to be loving rather than accusing. To be sweet as opposed to reactive. I used the word viciously because this is a big fat problem. I am tired of suffering, yes, that is what anxiety and constant self-bashing feels like. Its not how the Big Guy planned it.
Sooooo, next time, probably within five minutes of reading this, you hear your own voice criticizing or expecting, stop and say it again, but this time, please BE NICE TO YOURSELF ! as if you were talking to your little tiny self, as if you were talking to the person you love most.
Its hard, like I said "old habits" and it most certainly is a habit. Knock it off ok? Do it for me, I had cancer ya know! (still pulling the card occasionally).
It can be done.
I love you.
I love Jesus.
Peace out for today.